Just Jokin'

[cherrysmum]

hahaha I'm still laughing at the Tiger woods joke...

[ellanoize]

t's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in.



"Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" he says.



"That's cool," says Bobby.



Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.



Carrie's father responds, "Why don't you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it."



Naturally, this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby, so he asks Carrie's Dad to repeat it.



"Yeah," says Carrie's father, "Carrie really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!"



Well, this just made Bobby's eyes light up, and his plan for the evening was beginning to look pretty good.



A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation,

Bobby escorts his date out the front door.



Twenty minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father, "DAMMIT DADDY! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST!!!"

[ellanoize]

After a hard rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets and alleys, a young mother watched her two little boys playing in the puddles through her kitchen window. The older of the two, a five-year-old lad, grabbed his sibling by the back of his head and shoved his face into one of the water holes. As the boy recovered and stood laughing and dripping, the mother was running toward them in a panic.
"Why on earth did you do that to your little brother?" she said, as she shook the older boy's shoulders in anger, combined with relief.
"We were just playing church mommy," he said. "And I was just baptizing him. You know, 'In the name of the Father, the Son and in the hole he goes.'"

[cherrysis]

Right on!!!

[cherrysmum]

our Father which art in heaven "Harold" be thy name...

the constipated cross-eyed bear (the consecrated cross I'll bear)

[ellanoize]

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out
of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Stephanie and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck
stops for another red light, the girl catches Up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.

Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the
blonde says brightly, "Hi, my name is Stephanie, and you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.
At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of
breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Stephanie, and you are losing some of your load! When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light.

When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs
back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says... "Hi, my name is Kevin. It's winter in Wisconsin and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK.

[Cherry_pez]

LMAO!!

[cherrysmum]

ROTF....

[ellanoize]

A blind man is walking down the street with his seeing-eye dog one day. They come to a busy intersection, and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man right out into the thick of traffic. This is followed by the screech of tires and horns blaring as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down.
The blind man and the dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on the other side of the street, and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket, which he offers to the dog. A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident, can't control his amazement and says to the blind man, "Why on earth are you rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly got you killed!"
The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies, "To find out where his head is, so I can kick his ass."

[ellanoize]

The Spoiled Under 30 Crowd
If you are 30 or older, you will think this is hilarious.... If not, send it to your parents. They'll think it's funny.

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning .... Uphill BOTH ways .. Yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in heck I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it.

But now that...

I'm over (ahem...waaaaay over) the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy. I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a dang Utopia. And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it.

1. When I was a kid, we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the dang library and look it up ourselves... In the card catalog.. (Do you even know what a card catalog is? Didn't think so.)

2. There was no email.. We had to actually write somebody a letter... With a pen. Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there.

3. There were no MP3's or Napsters. If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the dang record store and shoplift it yourself. Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and mess it all up.

4. We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting. If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it.

5. And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either. When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was. It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know... You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister.

6. We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics. If we were lucky, we had Video Pong and later on the Atari 2600. With games like "Space Invaders" and "asteroids" and the graphics were horrible. Your guy was a little square. You actually had to use your imagination. And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever. And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died. Just like LIFE.

7. When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating. All the seats were the same height. If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed.

8. Some of us had no cable...only 3 stations (maybe) that you had to go outside and turn the antennae to be able pick up. Later on, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no onscreen menu. You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on.

And there was no Cartoon Network either. You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying.?. We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons.

9. And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove or go build a fire ... Imagine that. If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that stupid JiffyPop thing or a pan with HOT oil and Real popcorn kernels and shake it all over the stove forever like an idiot.

10. When we were on the phone with our friends and our parents walked-in, we were stuck to the wall with a cord, a 7 foot cord that ran to the phone - not the phone base, the actual phone. We barely had enough length to sit on the floor and still be able to twirl the phone cord in our fingers. If you suddenly had to go to the bathroom - guess what we had to do..... Hang up and talk to them later.

That's exactly what I'm talking about. You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled..

You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1960 or 1970 or 1980.

Regards,
The over 30 Crowd